midgetmnm (midgetmnm) wrote in chain_of_fics,

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"Somehow he couldn't hear the sound of himself crying."

Title: Nebulous
Series: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Movie 4
Character: Leonardo
Rating: G
Word Count: 558
Summary: After the dust settles, Leonardo finds himself reconsidering recent events.

Somehow he couldn't hear the sound of himself crying. What he could hear as he lay in his bed was the gasps that Raphael made as he backed away, the sound of the cars that were passing a few feet away, even the rain as it hit the concrete they stood on. Leonardo’s chest heaved as he struggled to find silence, but the sound followed him into his sleep.

His brother was once again across from him, upset in a way that showed even through the distance he had put between them. Leonardo can’t remember a time when Raphael had ever put so much space between them. Even when he was angry, especially when he was angry, he had always been right in Leonardo’s face. Always within arms length so that either could reach out and touch the other. Raphael was his exact opposite, the force that he had balanced himself against. That was before Leonardo had left.

The distance between them felt like an accusation and a warning. Leonardo was sure he knew what his brother wasn't saying.

You didn’t want to come back and now you don’t belong here anymore.

It wasn’t a surprise. From the moment Raphael had walked out of their Father’s presence he had done everything he could to act like Leonardo wasn’t even there. Leonardo just hadn’t been prepared to deal with the pain and guilt it caused. He felt so isolated and out of place already. Nothing had gone the way he had thought it would. His return hadn’t fixed anything, it only seemed to have made things worse. Anger had replaced his guilt and he had lashed out.

He’d wanted to get back to that place where everything made sense and his brother was right beside him again. But Raphael wasn’t really angry, just upset. At one time Leonardo would have been happy that his brother was reacting without that almost frightening anger that had dominated so much of Raphael’s life before his trip. At that time, though, it had just twisted the knife in his stomach harder.

I’m better than you.

In his sleep the memories played in slow motion. The words echoed through his head as he watched Raphael’s eyes widen for just a second as disbelief replaces the pain. Then his brother’s eyes narrowed as that once familiar rage took over. Raphael moved to attack. Somehow Leonardo was suddenly looking up at Raphael as his brother backed away. He watched as Raphael’s expression morphed into one of horror. As he turned away Leonardo could see the defeat and self-loathing in his eyes.

Leonardo opened his eyes suddenly as he sat up. His stomach protested and for a moment he could see nothing in the darkness. Slowly shapes took form in the light that shone beneath his door as a familiar sound reached his ears. Raphael was pounding on his punching bag. The sound drained the tension from his body. He let himself slump back down into his bed as weariness took over before he realized what he was doing.

A grim smile crossed Leonardo’s face. He rolled out of bed and made his way to the door. Leonardo was determined that they would not just fall back into the same old pattern. It was time to create a new routine. He has had enough of trying to live in the past.
Tags: author: midgetmnm, pairing type: character study, rated: g, series: teenage mutant ninja turtles, source type: movie
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